“Neither love nor evil conquers all, but evil cheats more.” – Laurell K. Hamilton, Cerulean Sins
Halloween may be gone, but it has left me with four pounds of stale Butterfingers and this article. In the spirit of all things macabre, I decided to make a list of the perfect villain cars. Whether you are a local scoundrel with a taste for whiskey and bad behavior, a big time hood looking to break legs for your boss, or some evil super villain with a pool of ill-tempered sea bass with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads…you need the perfect ride. Cruella DeVille in a Volkswagen Beetle or Hannibal Lecter in a Fiat 500 would look ridiculous, so having the right ride is as important as a personal torture chamber.
#12 – Bruce, Finding Nemo – 1959 Buick Invicta
This car looks like Bruce, the shark with its huge toothy grin. The only family this car would be perfect for is the Addams family. It looks pissed, and I think it would have been a better choice for the movie “Christine.” It would be the perfect car for the local hood with anger issues and a penchant for digging up bodies.
#11 – Rev. Henry Kane, Poltergeist II – 1955 Cadillac Series 75 Fleetwood Imperial Sedan
Would there be anything creepier than seeing Reverend Henry Kane driving this car? This is the kind of car where you just know the owner is an insane serial killer. It is menacing from all angles, which could be why it was the ride for great movie villains like “The Godfather” and “Driving Miss Daisy.”
#10 – Louise Fletcher, Flowers in the Attic – 1961 Plymouth Fury
It was a tossup between Louise Fletcher and Faye Dunaway in “Mommie Dearest” for this car. It looks evil in a way that few other cars can. The front looks like a cross between a pissed off 1950’s librarian and one of the “Angry Birds.” Designed by Virgil Exner, it has been the start of great movies like “Rosemary’s Baby” and “Tales from the Crypt.” The creepiest thing about this car is that the Dad drove one on “Leave it to Beaver.”
#9 – Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men – 1966 Oldsmobile Toronado
I love this car. I can’t think of a cleaner, meaner and cooler designed GM product. This would be the perfect car if I was an assassin, or one of those clean up guys like Harvey Keitel’s Winston Wolf in “Pulp Fiction.”
#8 – Sean Penn (Mickey Cohen), Gangster Squad – 1936 Cord 810
I had a tough time with this one. I should go to an evil Jay Gatsby type, or modern vampire. In the end I chose Sean Penn for his portrayal as Mickey Cohen. I figured it would be a great car for a mobster, and considering the nose on this was actually called a “coffin nose,” it would keep up the evil image.
#7 – Joe Pesci, Casino – 1967 Cadillac Eldorado
This is an easy one, since this car was actually in the movie “Casino.” It would be the perfect car for Joe Pesci, Robert DiNero or Ray Liotta. In fact, it would be a great car for anyone who wants to appear dangerous. The size of this car in real life is huge, and the hideaway headlights and egg-crate grill look very menacing.
#6 – Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs – 1970 Mercedes Benz 600 Pullman Limousine
This is truly the most evil of all cars. Jeremy Clarkson of “Top Gear UK” said that “Owners of this car almost always have access to an air force.” In fact, real life owners of this car include some of the most evil dictators the world has known, as well as the Pope and a couple of Beatles. Since there was always a European flavor to Dr. Lecter, I thought this would fit his lifestyle perfectly.
#5 – Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery – 2005 Maybach Exelero
C’mon, if Jay-Z can own one, shouldn’t Dr. Evil? It looks mean, modern and a little crazy, which makes it the perfect car for the outrageous star of the “Austin Powers” movies. Plus, there is room for Mini Me and Mr. Bigglesworth…it’s only a two seater. Cost? Just one Billion dollars….mhwaaahaaahaaahaaa
#4 – Felonius Gru, Despicable Me – 1938 Phantom Corsair
Gru needed a comic looking evil car, and the closest thing was this Phantom Corsair. Even the name sounds spectral, and it looks like it would be equally at home on the road as it would in the sky. Originally intended as a six passenger, it is estimated to hold about 43 minions not including ray guns.
#3 – Gary Oldman, Bram Stoker’s Dracula – 1930 Mercedes Benz 710 SSK “Count Trossi” Roadster
This is more than just a classic; this is a work of art. It was the last Mercedes designed by Ferdinand Porsche, and build specifically for Didi, as the Count was known. Trossi was the former president of Scuderia Ferrari, and loved this car so much that he bought, sold and repurchased it several times though out his life. Presently, it is owned by the evil super-villain, Ralph Lauren.
#2 – Cruella DeVil, 101 Dalmatians – 1932 Bucciali TAV 8-32 Saoutchik “Fleche d’Or” Berline
This is the car that every true evil villain should aspire to, and I thought it was fitting for Ms. DeVil what with her Luciferous name. The Bucciali is the perfect cartoon/movie baddie car, with its low brow and hulking wheel arches. The touches of red trim along the beltline and wheels looks like dried blood, and the winged swan looks a little like a fallen angel. Less than a handful of these cars survive, including one which sported two (2) Continental straight eights mounted side by side. Evil personified.
#1 – Monty Burns, The Simpsons – 1925 Rolls-Royce Phantom I Jonckheere Aerodynamic Coupe
The number one most evil car on our list is this custom bodied Rolls-Royce. It is the only one known to exist. The car was re-bodied by Jonckheere of Belgium almost 10 years after production into this masterpiece. Though the car is almost 90 years old, the lack of bumpers and the low sweeping lines makes it as modern looking as a new Phantom. The highlight is the round “porthole” doors and the long center fin. If I were a super-villain, vampire, or world class evil-doer, this would be the car for me.
As a note, I would love to hear your suggestions on evil looking cars, or who would be the better match to the cars on this list. Contact me through comments, via email (listed on about page) or though Twitter and Facebook.
Article Courtesy of Chris Raymond
Photos Courtesy of Google images, Wikipedia, boldride.com and Flikr.