Look at this truck and tell me what you see? Wrong. It’s the new Ford F-150 SVT Raptor, a tough as nails he-man truck that wants to rip your arms off. Now look back again, what do you see? Wrong. It’s a truck so manly it sweats, a truck you need to shave three times a day, a truck that will grow chest hair. This truck is dangerous, in the same way you are.
Ford designed this truck for men, not ladies, and certainly not little boys. This brute is not the truck you take to the local Starbucks for a double non-fat soy chai macchiato latte or to the boutique to get Mr. Jingles a new outfit. No, this is the truck you use to hunt Wildebeest on your private game reserve, or to chase down local gangs to deal out some street justice. The Ford SVT Raptor was designed on a mountaintop, by secret disappearing ninjas using the greatest technologies known to man. They built it with a massive 6.2 liter V8 that makes 411 horses, and 10 million lb-ft of torque. That’s enough torque to pull the sewer pipes right through your front lawn, and enough power to outrun the cops.
Don’t let this truck scare you, because it will cruise down the highway smoother than your M1 Abrams Main battle tank, and when you get where you’re going, just throw on the Advancetrac system and crawl up over that Prius parked in your spot. They won’t say anything, they won’t dare. The SVT Raptor is comfortable too, with enough room for those blonde hotties you picked up on the way to your fight club.
Fully loaded, the Ford SVT Raptor will cost around $42,000 dollars, but you won’t care because this truck will outlast you, and the seventeen children your testosterone flooded body will undoubtedly spawn. This truck will outlast democracy, and become an impressive monument to the level of machismo you’ve attained. Throw it into mud-bogged rainforests in Bolivia, use it to tear through the 38th parallel and show those Koreans who’s boss, toss a trailer hitch on it, and drag that mother-loving M777 155mm Howitzer right up to the nearest Al-Qaeda cave, you can do anything in this truck.
This Raptor is designed only for ripped, hulking, brutish, macho, Chuck Norris lookalikes who enjoys Mixed Martial Arts fighting, threesomes, blonde threesomes, rugby, choppers, blondes and eating fried scorpions. And don’t worry if one of those hotties has a twin…Ford made a crew cab version.
(This happens every time you park it!)
Photos courtesy of Ford Motor Company
Article courtesy of Chris Raymond