Scantily clad models parade in front of the Cadillac display, but our group is busy cruising along Ocean Drive  and Bellevue Ave gawking at the surreal mansions.  One wrong turn and we found ourselves meandering through some of the most lavish and outrageous “cottages” in the modern world, before finally making our way to the Newport Concours D’ Elegance.

By the time we arrived, the prancing models at the Cadillac pavilion had put on their normal clothes and dispersed.  We had to make the best of it, so we checked out the cars.  Though less sexy, and wearing non model clothing, we did catch a glimpse of Mr. Wayne Carini, from the television show “Chasing Classic Cars,” but when Chris went over to say hello, Mr. Wayne was busy being popular.

It took us nearly five minutes just to walk around the 1949 Cadillac Model 62 Convertible which was gleaming in the sun, even though it was an English overcast sort of day.  And if the car’s horn looks an awful lot like a trumpet, that was because the horn is an actual trumpet.  I fancy myself a bit of a musician, so I can appreciate a car sporting a hand crafted trumpet?  Old cars so pompous they can’t be denied.

The red Saleen S7, with her fancy upward open doors is sporty enough to make a Mr. Mom homebody feel like Napoleon, conqueror of the…well, little dude with big ego, but you get the drift.  Next to it was an equally impressive McLaren F1, with its three-abreast seating.

The 1936 Chord Westchester with her bubbly oversized front wheel wells, large enough to store six pounds of Mexican green and two illegals, with built in retractable headlights (well ahead of its time) and the funny “coffin” like nose was a sight to see.  So was the young lady in short shorts standing there smiling to everyone.

The wood paneled Bentley Mark V Estate car features shotgun and fishing racks for those who want to be prepared for the upcoming 2012 apocalypse, and want to make sure they survive in style.  Personally, I’m looking for an armored Rolls Royce.  I can mount the automatic machine gun myself.

There are women out there that possess a “quirky” look that makes them the sexiest women alive.  It was that sort of thing that got me hunched over and on the ground taking shots of a gold and avocado green 1955 Studebaker President.  At first glance the colors just seem weird and out of place, but in the half haze sun, with her sharp lines and fish like nose, this car stood out.  It’s this type of quirky piece of masterful artwork that gets a guy like me, with no particular disposition to automobiles and no inherent love of the craft, to agree to accompany Chris to car shows.

A note to Newport.  I ate a chili dog, which was the top of the line for food offerings.  All I have to say is, among television people like Wayne Carini and amid the likes of those who can afford to bring their million dollar, gold plated cars, you’d think a sushi bar, caviar, or at the very least, a decent chilidog would be found somewhere, but alas, I got a nuked bun with cold chili.

Article courtesy of William Cordaro

Photos courtesy of Chris Raymond and William Cordaro

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